Dear Reader,
I want to start off by saying I'm very unsatisfied with the person I've been in my past. Many of my last blogs suck total dick and disappoint me. I really try hard to be a very well rounded person. I take interest in hundreds of amazing things in life. Many would tell me that's too many. A lot of people tell me not to try and appease others and to just be myself, even if it is at the cost of the respect of my peers. I do not wish to lose their respect, I don't want them to stop criticizing me and giving me a challenge. I love the challenge. But I want an honorable friend that respects me just as much as I respect them. I am the same person to every single person I meet. I tell them the straight up truth or at least imply it. But I also know when to a respect a person for their good qualities. I'm disappointed in some of my close friends because they occasionally make me snap. I get depressed, I lose myself, and all of my beliefs. I can never be pure. I become weak, and blame others, blame my past, and blame the system. I hate it when I do that. It's so disrespectful to all the effort of everyone else. I should be proud of myself to a point, but if someone criticizing my actions, they can, and they will. I should not let it bother me, and there are no excuses. I only have one thing to say. If you're going to give me hell, why don't you show me a little respect in the manner of praise, pride, and respect in who I am as a person? I get it from no one, not even my parents. So for every five times you give me shit and piss me off, you should tell me OR at least fucking show me how much you appreciate our friendship. At least then I can rest and ultimately stop over thinking everything. I've said it before, honesty is my policy and honestly, I appreciate almost all of my friends. I just wish I didn't turn into such a bitch that complains to all of you when I feel really disrespected. Thanks for reading.
Sincerely, Bard
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
By Myself
Dear Reader,
I used to always give a single reason for why I feel bad about myself. Now I jump from reason to reason trying to consider anything. I eventually just blame it all on myself because I think too much. It's dumb as fuck. I want to feel good about myself. I want to believe in myself. I want to have some pride. But almost every time I turn away from some people I second guess myself and feel like I'm the worst.
fuck fuck fuck, Bard.
I used to always give a single reason for why I feel bad about myself. Now I jump from reason to reason trying to consider anything. I eventually just blame it all on myself because I think too much. It's dumb as fuck. I want to feel good about myself. I want to believe in myself. I want to have some pride. But almost every time I turn away from some people I second guess myself and feel like I'm the worst.
fuck fuck fuck, Bard.
Monday, November 7, 2011
On Guilt
The most irritating distraction that constantly scratches at the backside of my brain. It erodes away at all my free time. When I could be bettering myself but I'm too busy worrying about a mistake that doesn't even matter. My character isn't measured by my mistakes but by my resolve to get things done with no questions asked. But still every single time I have a panic attack I can't help but stop myself from worrying about everything in a dramatic fashion. Such that no one in their right mind would ever want to deal with it. I begin to question my purpose in this world. What a waste of time you know? I could be changing the world with every little action and it would make up for all the mistakes I ever made many times over. But I'll tell you one thing... I'd really like it if StarCraft II were never to have been released... I want my Brood War back.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Changes
Hey everyone, I started listening to Eminem three days ago. I've missed a lot, glad to say it wasn't a mistake to listen to it now. Definitely feel like it will improve my writing here, and my personality out there. I'm interesting in getting more into hip-hop, it seems like it brings nothing but freedom to the mind. I feel like I can respect all cultures now, I just need to dig myself more into it. Have a good night everyone. :)
Monday, October 17, 2011
A little poison for the bitches.
Dear Reader,
Just because you are attractive enough to get a boyfriend does not mean you are entitled to something insane that you think you are. Specifically my Facebook wall is not spared of many girls posting attention whoring statuses about how all the guys they know are assholes even though they don't bother getting to know anyone new because they have pathetic social skills. They are spoiled and act like they're not whores online when I see them walking with arms around some guy that I've even been told is gay. One of my good friends told me that there is a double standard and I told them it doesn't exist. The people that set up these double standards are just bitches.
I want to move on a little and get to the point: I know too many girls who overreact to what is happening. They take everything personally and can't accept people for who they are. I thought girls were good supposed to be good with people for survival? Seems like I'm better with people than a good majority. Have you ever met a girl who threatens to kill themselves or how they talk about ending their life like it is no big deal? That shit pisses me off so bad. That is complete bullshit. They need some help, I remember when I was down on myself because I was a complete shut-in that only ever played real-time strategy games every day for hours. I got depressed, but I never thought that I would ever actually kill myself and I sure as hell would never threaten another person with my suicide to get what I want. I cannot think of anything that would be more cowardly. If your relationship is not a marriage, don't take it so goddamn seriously unless you're engaged. It should never be your entire world, or your entire life.
Nowadays I'm being called an asshole BY OTHER GUYS because I'm willing to publicly stand up for a friend and what I believe on a social networking site. They just think I'm being a dick and getting into other peoples' business when really this whiny girl is controlling my friend with guilt trips and threats of suicide. They tell me that it's none of my business when it sure as hell is none of their business either. I don't fucking care if they are your girlfriend's cousin, you should be telling them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. No one learns if things were like that.
Sincerely, a disappointed Bard
Just because you are attractive enough to get a boyfriend does not mean you are entitled to something insane that you think you are. Specifically my Facebook wall is not spared of many girls posting attention whoring statuses about how all the guys they know are assholes even though they don't bother getting to know anyone new because they have pathetic social skills. They are spoiled and act like they're not whores online when I see them walking with arms around some guy that I've even been told is gay. One of my good friends told me that there is a double standard and I told them it doesn't exist. The people that set up these double standards are just bitches.
I want to move on a little and get to the point: I know too many girls who overreact to what is happening. They take everything personally and can't accept people for who they are. I thought girls were good supposed to be good with people for survival? Seems like I'm better with people than a good majority. Have you ever met a girl who threatens to kill themselves or how they talk about ending their life like it is no big deal? That shit pisses me off so bad. That is complete bullshit. They need some help, I remember when I was down on myself because I was a complete shut-in that only ever played real-time strategy games every day for hours. I got depressed, but I never thought that I would ever actually kill myself and I sure as hell would never threaten another person with my suicide to get what I want. I cannot think of anything that would be more cowardly. If your relationship is not a marriage, don't take it so goddamn seriously unless you're engaged. It should never be your entire world, or your entire life.
Nowadays I'm being called an asshole BY OTHER GUYS because I'm willing to publicly stand up for a friend and what I believe on a social networking site. They just think I'm being a dick and getting into other peoples' business when really this whiny girl is controlling my friend with guilt trips and threats of suicide. They tell me that it's none of my business when it sure as hell is none of their business either. I don't fucking care if they are your girlfriend's cousin, you should be telling them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. No one learns if things were like that.
Sincerely, a disappointed Bard
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Anti-Stress
I wrote this in study hall as a note for myself.
Dear Reader,
Take calm deep breaths. Absolutely stop thinking completely, focus on your breathing if it helps you stop your thoughts. Begin to imagine who you want to be, everything exactly how you like and make no excuses for yourself. Don't let your past deny who you want to be. Who you should be. Nothing stands in your way of being how you want to be. No one else controls your thoughts, actions, and passion. No one else controls the emotions you feel. The worst anyone can do is use your time to teach you a lesson, or waste it, but I'm sure you can still learn from that. Get out there and say hi to anyone you want. Tell them what you want them to know, make their day. Make the time count, why would you spend time with someone and not get to see their smile? Ask them what you want to ask them, they will probably tell you, and if they don't? You could easily salvage the situation or maybe it just isn't worth it. Try to appreciate the little things more and with an open mind. How often have you seen a graphic or logo for something? That's a piece of art and it is amazing how important art is on the effect of our lives. Don't bother digging for a deep meaning to everything, sometimes your first intuition is right: Occum's Razor. How about music, or even books? have you ever gotten chills because you felt so amazing while reading a book or listening to a song? I feel those chills every time I nail a guitar solo to one of my favorite songs. Live for the moment and make it count. If you feel down, then fake being happy for a day to be happy for a week. Seize the day and take every healthy opportunity you can. Try something new, learn something new, and definitely meet someone new. Don't forget about the ones closest to you, they may be able to get you out of a rut better than you think. Lastly, think about others from time to time, do something nice and they will really appreciate it. Actions speak louder than words while something nice will flatter them and make their day. Doing something nice will leave them speechless and awestruck.
Sincerely, Bard
Dear Reader,
Take calm deep breaths. Absolutely stop thinking completely, focus on your breathing if it helps you stop your thoughts. Begin to imagine who you want to be, everything exactly how you like and make no excuses for yourself. Don't let your past deny who you want to be. Who you should be. Nothing stands in your way of being how you want to be. No one else controls your thoughts, actions, and passion. No one else controls the emotions you feel. The worst anyone can do is use your time to teach you a lesson, or waste it, but I'm sure you can still learn from that. Get out there and say hi to anyone you want. Tell them what you want them to know, make their day. Make the time count, why would you spend time with someone and not get to see their smile? Ask them what you want to ask them, they will probably tell you, and if they don't? You could easily salvage the situation or maybe it just isn't worth it. Try to appreciate the little things more and with an open mind. How often have you seen a graphic or logo for something? That's a piece of art and it is amazing how important art is on the effect of our lives. Don't bother digging for a deep meaning to everything, sometimes your first intuition is right: Occum's Razor. How about music, or even books? have you ever gotten chills because you felt so amazing while reading a book or listening to a song? I feel those chills every time I nail a guitar solo to one of my favorite songs. Live for the moment and make it count. If you feel down, then fake being happy for a day to be happy for a week. Seize the day and take every healthy opportunity you can. Try something new, learn something new, and definitely meet someone new. Don't forget about the ones closest to you, they may be able to get you out of a rut better than you think. Lastly, think about others from time to time, do something nice and they will really appreciate it. Actions speak louder than words while something nice will flatter them and make their day. Doing something nice will leave them speechless and awestruck.
Sincerely, Bard
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
I know people that do this
Dear headfrustration,
My friends almost convince me I'm dating you out of pity. I genuinely like you for who I know you want to be. I'm just saddened that you don't try to do new things. You read books, why wouldn't you like to try new things? Don't you wish your life was a book worth reading? Every time I read a book I want to make my life more and more like the coolest character in that book. You have gotten what you wanted before by pushing for it. Why can't you push for me? Am I not worth putting any effort into? Show some initiative for me. I show a lot of initiative in every aspect of my life. I just wish you would turn your phone on and call me or anything. Talk to me first. What would you do if I just stopped talking to you? Would you start to realize how little you're trying? Or would you think that I just got disinterested? I don't want to do that to you. I don't think you deserve it. I just wish you would fix your priorities. If you're going to act like this around me, don't freak out later when things aren't as comfortable as you would like because you didn't take action for what you wanted sooner.
Sincerely, an overreacting Bard
My friends almost convince me I'm dating you out of pity. I genuinely like you for who I know you want to be. I'm just saddened that you don't try to do new things. You read books, why wouldn't you like to try new things? Don't you wish your life was a book worth reading? Every time I read a book I want to make my life more and more like the coolest character in that book. You have gotten what you wanted before by pushing for it. Why can't you push for me? Am I not worth putting any effort into? Show some initiative for me. I show a lot of initiative in every aspect of my life. I just wish you would turn your phone on and call me or anything. Talk to me first. What would you do if I just stopped talking to you? Would you start to realize how little you're trying? Or would you think that I just got disinterested? I don't want to do that to you. I don't think you deserve it. I just wish you would fix your priorities. If you're going to act like this around me, don't freak out later when things aren't as comfortable as you would like because you didn't take action for what you wanted sooner.
Sincerely, an overreacting Bard
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